disillusionment

i wish that i'm disillusionment from love.its make me feel sick for being the real me which i used to be really really cared about everyone else.its really make me feel dizzy whenever comes to this problem.

i wonder how can i be disillusionment from this kind of problem?i'm really really really feels tired about this kind of game.but unfortunately i cant get rid of it.i still be in dilema for some issues which i cant mention here.

somebody help me please?

i feels that whenever i closed to someone,there must be someone who are not willing to see me being closed with that person.theres always have some barrier to make me being much closer to them.its not happen for only once,but many times until i'm so fed-up about being really really cared for others.

but whenever i think back it all over again,i found that its my natural behavior which i cant even change or notice whenever i be like that.its hard for me to pretending to be "mined my own only business".

its not easy to take care all of peoples feeling.sometimes we need to sacrifice something important for them so that they are satisfied with what i'm doing.but the situation is much different from mine.

for my problem,whenever i passed the barrier and i get to be close to someone,the person must be the one who are leaving me all behind after quite some time.its make me feel that i'm not being appreciate for what i've done for the person and the most important thing is,i feels that i'm being used for some purpose.its really make me feel sad about this and i wonder why i'm not feeling very mad when i'm being used by others.its really freaking unsensetable.

haih..how can i change my destiny?